In the begining there was....

A girl.

And this chick was hella frusterated with life, sororities, boys, the United States, dorm food, some friends, some family, some mirror images, fatigue, and boys. (yes- boys twice just for emphasis)

So- I dropped my sorority. Health. China. Sleep. School. Love. Life. There are my reasons.

So heres the thing. This is for me to be honest.... but not too honest. Im not one of htose people that wants this to get me in trouble later in life...

Lets start with yesterday- so i dropped...yes.. and i found out that im going to China. I am studying in Shanghai and teaching english. Amazing? yes.. but of course there is a problem.... The company i will be keeping while im there. we have.. 1)me 2)random girl #1 3)random boy #1 4)nympho 5)douchebag #1 6)pseudo-dad (PD for short)

Nympho I can take... he is funny and will be annoying after a while but not to bad. the randoms are fine.. PD is going to hamper my fun i know it. just wait... and then there is d.bag--> you better believe there is a history there.

Yes. i want to hook up with him again. I cant deny it. Yes. i want to stay best friends with him. Yes. this is a problem. We talk about hooking up again after a few drinks.... but sober i dont know if he thinks about it. Hell.. I do. haha Maybe he does.. Now before you go writing prescriptions for what to do.. you have to understand that this is no ordinary boy. Lets start here: he doesnt like sex. Is there more to add here? Oh yes there is--he has slept around. That secretly bothers me but I would never tell him. He may already know. I dont do that AT ALL but i dont want to judge. (although i do) I know that if anything ever happened between us, I would constantly feel uncomfortable that he would be comparing me to other girls he has been with. Yes, I know. Dumb. I'm 19. Im allowed to be dumb about some things. At the same time- I feel more comfortable with him, more so than any other guy I have thought about hooking up with. Why is this? Why do i have to feel safe with the one person who is most likely to hurt me? His selfishness is ridiculous... and I know that he would always put himself before others (friends, gf's everyone) but I keep hoping htat I might get through to him. wishful thinking.